Bisexuals with HOCD have the false fear that they are attracted to only one sex, usually the one they are not currently involved with. I would later learn that truly gay people may also get HOCD, but that they falsely fear that they are heterosexual. It plays with your mind, making you believe lies and doubt truth. HOCD felt real to its sufferers just as my own obsessions had felt real to me. What I saw in the HOCD obsessions mirrored the anxiety, checking, illogical thinking, and broken record quality of everything I had experienced. Of course they have false obsessions.”īefore my own OCD was treated, I had suffered for years with obsessions about natural disasters, religion, my health, and being rejected. It took another five minutes for me to figure out what HOCD was and why so many people had gay obsessions. Only ten minutes after I had started reading the most recent posts, however, I realized that something was wrong: The folks with gay fears were clearly not gay.
I thought I was joining a board full of gay people with OCD. Searching under OCD and gay, I discovered the old BrainPhysics discussion board and decided to post. I had been off medication and out of therapy for years, and I needed a place where I could talk about personal issues. In November 2004, real-life stress was playing havoc with my emotions and OCD. Now that we are coming at this from the same mindset, please bear with me as I walk you through HOCD. I am a teacher in my real life, and I always spell out the rules early on. Thank you for taking the time to read and obey the rules. Rule one: If you say you are heterosexual, then you are. No worries, my friend: If you are trying to understand yourself or someone close to you who has HOCD, you are reading the right article. I am writing for the benefit of heterosexual folks who hope to use this article to understand their fears about being gay (also known as gay OCD or HOCD). Hello there! My name is Mark, and I am a gay male with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD ). Allow yourself to seek genuine human connection and pure pleasure without self judgment or fear of being judged.Am I Gay? Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder Takes Many Forms Try to inoculate yourself from the ubiquitous societal tendency to pigeonhole – and focus instead on responding to your true desire for a person of any gender when it arises. Instead, of obsessing about ‘Who am I’, ask yourself why you feel the need to label yourself at all. And when it comes to sex, “normality” is not really a useful construct. Most people go through a period of anxiety over the questions “Who am I sexually?” and “Am I normal?” In fact, these questions can only elicit artificial answers, since fully knowing oneself can be a very long process involving a great deal of experimentation. You are at a very early stage of sexual self-discovery. Please help me – this has been an ongoing problem since I was 16 and I am finding each day a struggle. Nor does lesbian porn – only straight porn works. That said, I have watched gay porn and it doesn’t turn me on. I am concerned I might be gay, though: I sometimes find I’m thinking about men, and looking at them when I’m out and about. I have had sex with women and I enjoy it, but generally I don’t find myself massively aroused. I am a 22-year-old male and I’m very confused about my sexuality.